Harry Pothead
by Mysti1
Summary: Harry gets high and... weird stuff happens. If you're looking for a sick, twisted, hilarious fic, this is the one to read.


Disclaimer/Me: (God these are annoying)I don't own Harry Potter, or the Little Bunny Foofu Song, but I do own the plot(and the new Bunny Foofu lyrics). If I DID own Harry Potter, I would have bought Eminem, Sean Biggerstaff, and Orlando Bloom and made them be my personal slaves.  
  
My imaginary friend Bob: o_o Shut up.  
  
Me: *kills Bob*  
  
A/N: WARNING: This story is a result of mixing coffee, insomnia, and my mind together. Don't read it if you don't have a sick, morbid mind.  
Harry Pothead  
  
"BEND OVER, HERMIONE!"  
  
Hermione looked up from her copy of Hogwarts, A History(which she was rereading for the 12879th time), and stared at Harry Pothead in bewilderment.  
  
"WHAT!?!"  
  
"I said, BEND OVER, HERMIONE!"  
  
"NO! Harry Pothead, I can't believe you're stoned. Again!"  
  
The common room was quite crowded that night; most of the Gryffindors were watching to see what Harry would do while he was high this time.  
  
"You're no fun, Hermione!" Harry turned his over-sized pupils to his best friend,who was sitting on the couch with his arm around Hermione's shoulder.  
  
"BEND OVER, RON!"  
  
At this point, Hermione transformed into super-bitch.  
  
"HARRY! THIS IS A DISGRACE! YOU'RE MAKING A TOTAL ASS OF YOURSELF! EVERYONE'S WATCHING YOU, YOU FUCKIN BASTARD! NOW STOP IT!!!!"  
  
Hermione might have told Ron's owl, Pig, to behave for all it mattered. While she was PMSing, Harry had stripped off all his clothes, except his tighty whiteys. He was now jumping around and waving his arms around in a crazy fashion, and was singing a popular Muggle song at the top off his lungs.  
  
"LITTLE BUNNY FOOFU HOPPIN THROUGH THE FOREST, SCOOPIN UP THE FIELD MICE AND TAKING A SHIT ON THEIR HEAD!!!"  
  
At the sight of seeing Harry in his tighty(very tight) whiteys, Hermione groaned and got into a fetal position. Ron thought he should say something now, since he appears nowhere else in this fic. "Er-- Harry, you really should stop smoking that horrible plant." he said stiffly.  
  
However, Ron wished he was as high as Harry was. It looked like fun, and he didn't care if he made a total jackass of himself. One day, when everyone was at Hogsmeade, but Ron was sick, he had busted into Harry's secret stash and smoked some of it. He didn't get nearly as high as Harry was now, but he enjoyed it and wished he had smoked more. But if he got as high as Harry, Hermione wouldn't like him anymore. And if Hermione didn't like him anymore, she would stop fucking him. So you can see the predicament he was in.  
  
By now Harry was finished his version of the Little Bunny Foofu Song, in which he made the Good Fairy rape Little Bunny Foofu as punishment. He was now racing around the room, flapping his arms wildly, crashing into random people and screaming at the top of his lungs, "I'M A FUCKING BIRDIE!! I'M A FUCKING BIRDIE!! WATCH ME FLYYYYYYYYYY!!"  
  
He about to jump out the window when he was suddenly pulled back into the common room by his hair(darn it!). He turned around to see that the common room was completely empty, except for *dun dun DUN* LORD VOLDEMORT! Everyone else had hauled ass the second he appeared in the room(Well wouldn't you? No, you'd probably rape him. Don't deny it!), but Harry was too high to know what was going on.  
  
"What's up, brother?!" said Harry.  
  
Voldemort stared blankly at Harry. "I will kill you now, Harry Pothead." he said, advancing on Harry with his wand pointing straight out.  
  
"Dude, that's fuckin TIGHT!"  
  
Harry seemed to think that Voldemort was giving him a high five, and slapped Voldemort's wand out of his hand. The wand landed right in front of Harry, and Voldemort froze as he picked it up and inspected it, trying to figure out what it was.  
  
"COOL! A dildo! Here, you can have it, Hermione!" Harry, who was too high to realize everyone was gone, thought the fireplace was Hermione and threw it in. A smoky green dark mark appeared above the fire for a few seconds as the wand burnt to a crisp.  
  
Voldemort was outraged. "I'LL JUST KILL YOU WITH MY BARE HANDS, THEN!"  
  
He held out his hands to choke Harry, but the sight of the boy wearing underwear that left nothing to the imagination got him a little aroused. Which is why Harry said what he did next:  
  
"AAAGH!! THERE'S SOMETHING COMING OUT OF YOUR PANTS!!!"  
  
He kicked Voldemort where it hurts a guy most, and Voldemort grabbed his crotch, fell to floor, crumpled and started rolling around, groaning in pain.  
  
"IT'S STILL ALIVE!!!!!!! KILL IT!!!! KILL IT!!!" screamed Harry  
  
Harry started jumping up and down on Voldemort as he lay on the ground, and after a few bones broke, Harry grabbed the copy of Hogwarts, a History, and started beating Voldemort over the head with it(the book was extremely thick). Voldemort's face was gushing blood, but he was still alive and screaming with pain.  
  
"NOOOOOOOO!!! ITS ALIIIIIIIIIVE!!!!!" shouted Harry, as he poured a can of gasoline over Voldemort, who was now thrashing with pain. He ran over to the fireplace, grabbed a log from the fire, and threw it on Voldemort.  
  
The Dark Lord let out a loud piercing, scream as his body went up in a blaze. As he was burning, Harry forgot what he was doing and went to the girls dormitory. There he put on one of Hermione's dresses. He also put red lipstick, drawing it in the shape of lips across his nose, bright green eyeshadow across his cheeks and ears, and pink blush all over his forehead.  
  
"I FEEL PRETTY, OH SO PRETTY, AND WITTY, AND GAAAAAY!!!" he sang as he went down the stairs. He walked over to the pile of ashes that was Voldemort and stared down at it.  
  
After a minute:  
  
"Awesome, I found more pot!"  
  
Harry took out his bong and smoked the ashes.  
THE END  
A/N: That was sick and pointless!!! You can flame me if you want, but they will be given to Harry so he can light up his joints.  
  
Bob: *cries* But I wanted the fire! I like to burn things!  
  
Me: I thought I killed you... 


End file.
